[T]hey haven’t internalized that the women in the Vargas family don’t sleep. They ain’t sheep. And they definitely ain’t like they are in my familia: all mouth and no hands.

If we flip the channels fast enough, we can turn almost anyone Puerto Rican, blurring black and white into Boricua.

I’m going to find un cacique and ask him to bring all the Taínos and Arawaks back to the Washington Hilton.